Learning Journal(4/10~4/16)

After classmates read my assignment and gave me some comments, I think I still have lots of problem.There are some appearance of my mistakes:

1. Beside of the computer, I wanted to say that I want to major in network, so I also let it be one of my reason. However, the reader felt that it had no connection with the main sentence. After reading again, I think it is true. I have to let "computer science" be the center and make reason from it, not change to another center "network". It might cause confusion in this article.

2. The main sentence is not clear. In the first sentence, maybe I can not write one of reasons quickly. I have to analysis all the reasons and make a main reason. After the main reason, It will understand other reasons easily.